I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
