everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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