I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
