What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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