I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
