Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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