do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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