Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
