it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
