This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
