yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
