just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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