so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
