We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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