How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
