So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
