I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Randomize
