kristin has been a bad kristin
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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