It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
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You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.