I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
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Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.