Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.