he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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