if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.