I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
