Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
