There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
