I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
