conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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