I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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