genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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