She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
