I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
