Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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