don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
