Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
