Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
