Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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