when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
