i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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