she was so not down for the gang bang
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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