I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
