i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
