Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
