I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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