And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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