How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
