i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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