Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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