I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
