Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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