Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
