Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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