when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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