Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
