That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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