she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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