cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
