Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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