I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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