New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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