remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
