Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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