That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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