1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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