he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
