I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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