actually, I'm a sock model
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
