man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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