Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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