sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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