I didn't shave. On purpose
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
