I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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