What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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