One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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