I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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