Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
