i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
