Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
